the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
