just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
