Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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