Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
