don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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