Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
