Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
