My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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