Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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