ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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