jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My bed smells like the plague
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
