If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
