it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
