My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
