You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
