the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
