Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
