I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
