What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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