if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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