And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
