Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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