3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Less talking, more tequila
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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