with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
