if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
