do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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