i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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