if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
