I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
