Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
