Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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