We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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