Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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