my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
