if you like me you must not know who I am
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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