my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As shirtless as possible
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
