DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
