I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
