No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
