so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this is an emotional support booty call
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
