well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize