I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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