Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
