Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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