And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
