yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
