I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Boobs are out for the taking
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
