bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
