he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
