next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
