Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
