whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
