Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
