Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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