I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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