Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Success! We fucked roommates!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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