Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
