And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize