can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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