Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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