Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
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You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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