dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
