Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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