Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
