Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
