I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Found your dick twin last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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