The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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