I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
