I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
