Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
