even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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