Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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