Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
