I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
