He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
