I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
