Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
