did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Screwed.edu
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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