you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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