First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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